HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, ESPECIALLY TO THE MEN AND WOMEN SERVING OUR NATION IN THE U.S. ARMED FORCES! WE THANK YOU, AND WE LOVE YOU!

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A CASE OF THE BAH-HUMBUGS

I'm having a case of the "bah-humbugs."

I suppose it's just general depression, but other than singing along with some nostalgic Christmas carols, I just can't get into the commercialized spirit. I suppose I related more to the spirit shown on this week's "Grey's Anatomy" than I once did when I watched "It's A Wonderful Life" for the 100th time, with paper towels in hand to wipe away the tears.     

I can't even dig up too many great memories from past Christmases, one of the worst perhaps being the day I proclaimed to my parents that I knew there wasn't a Santa Claus. All the annual gifts vanished and I was simply left with Mother and Daddy coming in drunk rather than Santa sipping some milk and eating cookies.     

The family get-togethers were fun, but it was downhill all the way from there. Since my birthday came so close, I rarely saw a gift, even though Granny would sometimes bake one of her wonderful cakes that she knew I loved.     

Today, I drive into Fort Oglethorpe, taking my life into my own hands as drivers weave frantically in and out of traffic, will cell phones in hand and minds probably elsewhere. I see few smiling faces and underneath the veneer, a lot of unhappiness everywhere. What smiles there are seem forced, even as I get served at a restaurant by a silly-looking elf wearing a Santa hat and a shirt exploding with symbols of the season.

On the streets outside are homeless people with coats held tightly in efforts to block out the cold, their worldly belongings in bags slung over their shoulders, and their taste buds possibly longing for even a Krystal burger to alleviate their hunger. But we can't look at them too long, because they might depress our Christmas spiritas we swipe our credit cards for things that we and others don't even need or might not even appreciate.     

Christ isn't anywhere to be seen. Some major churches aren't even having services on Christmas morning, which happens to fall on a Sunday. The concept apparently is that parishioners would be better served by staying home with their families, opening expensive and cheap gifts, from the useful to the useless, drinking booze-enhanced eggnog and watching football on big-screen televisions. It probably doesn't matter, since no one knows if Jesus was really born on or even near December 25.     

I recall going to church (when I was dedicated to being among the first in the house of worship) on a Christmas Sunday morning. Attendance was relatively poor, and those present looked stressed and worn out. Even the pastor couldn't project any enthusiasm. I believed then that he and everyone simply wanted the whole thing to be over.     

Even Christianity has become overly commercial, with gospel rockers selling albums and Hollywood starting to cater to the church crowd. I remember from my church days that we were discouraged from worldly things like rock and roll, and heaven forbid that we enter a sinful movie theater -- the devil's playhouse, as my grandmother's sister once called the Liberty Theater in Chickamauga, GA. (If the devil was having a good time in those days of squeaky-clean movies, he must be having like a totally awesome time behind the screens these days.)     

And people are so concerned about political correctness these days. What on earth is so wrong about saying "happy holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"? The Jewish people, who don't believe in Jesus, have their holiday and black folks have both Christmas Day and a week of Kwanzaa to celebrate. The whole argument is silly.     

It almost seems that New Year's Eve is the only celebration that everyone has in common, and that too is an imaginary and not so magical mark that some like to deceive themselves into believing really brings changes and something better simply because the calendar turns over to a new year.     

Believe it or not, I used to be a positive thinker and, believe it or not, even after writing this, I like to believe that the good side of man-and-womankind will prevail and allow the Spirit of Love that is flowing through the universe to rule. I like to believe that people will stop hating.     

Christmas? Bah-humbug. But that's just my own opinion. It is not intended to reflect the opinion of others, whom I indeed hope will have a joyous ... whatever they celebrate. And I seriously pray that few others have my present, quite cynical view, primarily looking forward to anytime in January -- but I know I am not alone, and we who feel this way all need your prayers.     

I pray that your holiday season is packed with all the good things and happiness that comes from your observations. Keep your faith and please use your role and power as an individual to make 2006 a better year -- starting now.  

(c) 2005, Toney Atkins      

WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD ... ? (An Opinion)

What In The Name Of God …?

BY TONEY ATKINS

www.toneyatkins.com

Ministers of the Christian church should be preaching the Gospel, not politics.

Using common sense, just look around at what’s happening in the United States and the rest of the world. Since the start of the 21st century, we’ve not only seen chaos in government; an increase in the number of unwed mothers bringing many new “fatherless” children into an uncertain world; divorce on the rise (whatever happened to “until death do us part”?); increasing terrorist attacks on this nation and around the world; wars and rumors of more wars; but also the fury of Mother Nature, which has impacted the lives of millions with destructive hurricanes, earthquakes, wildfires and flooding.

On the latter subject, I recently read several letters to the editors of various newspapers in which the writers proclaimed that God was punishing us for our sins, usually making unspoken references to Sodom and Gomorrah.

I would take that premise a step farther by asserting that, if indeed that is the case, could God not be punishing us for allowing corrupt governments to exercise power over our lives, sometimes in the very name of Christianity?

For several years, I was involved in organized religion. Beyond getting spiritually uplifted, I was invited to be a part of church politics -- and that disturbed and, yes, even disillusioned me. I came to see that political structure extended far beyond the walls of that small town church. While innocent and uninformed congregations filled the pews to be fed the truth of peace, love, salvation and heaven, the behind-the-scenes politics seemed to border on hypocrisy in the name of Jesus.

While retaining my Christian beliefs, I separated myself from that church as well as from those of other denominations I attended.

There were good Christians in those buildings who came only to be given the Good News of the Gospel, and they were sincere in their practices and principles.

Somewhere along the line, the lines between church and state blurred. Ministers started to insert their political beliefs into their spiritual teachings, some of which deviated from those imparted by Jesus Christ in the four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Those attending a particular church were expected to abide by the pastor’s teachings and the church’s rules and regulations. Free and independent thinking and faith were out of the question if an individual did not want to be frowned upon by fellow members in the congregation. Members were programmed to believe that they were right in their “Christian” beliefs and practices and everybody else was wrong.

I learned that early, but the experience really didn’t register until much later. After my grandmother’s tragic death in an auto accident, an aunt, who happened to be a die-hard member of the Church of Christ, announced piously that it was sad that Granny would not be going to heaven because she was not a member of the Church of Christ. Granny, whose health prevented her from attending any church regularly, was of the Baptist faith. My mother practically exploded with anger. How dare my aunt say such a thing?

I was to discover later on that many denominations, with varying beliefs and practices, felt the same way about “rival” churches. Members of many churches believed they were right and other churches were misinformed and, therefore, wrong in their interpretations of Jesus and His teachings.

But who was and is totally right? Pass through small towns and large cities and count the number of churches. For more of a culture shock, go into a black community and check off the multitude of churches in their own structures or in storefront buildings. Which of these is absolutely right and which is absolutely wrong, or are each of them somewhere in between?

Asserting their own notions of sin and which national political party could best benefit and cater to them, the ministers became politicians themselves, urging their congregations to vote a particular way, in effect, taking away a member’s individual spiritual freedom of thought.

I have a cousin who is a devout church member and a devoted Republican who sneers at all Democrats and considers those who don’t share her political beliefs to be fools. I recall that she devoutly adored one politician who went on to win election and, at this writing, is embroiled in questions of personal ethics.

But then again, some denominations teach “one saved, always saved,” implying that once a person accepts Jesus Christ as his or her personal savior can go on sinning and still be assured of a place in heaven.

It is not for me to judge, because I know of no human, especially myself, who has not sinned in some form orfashion, but, as you have probably already guessed, I have a sack full of stones that I’ve been dying to throw. (Some Christians have already said I am condemned to hell anyway.)

Where is Jesus in our political structure today? Jesus loved everyone. He especially cared for the poor. Does the government? Hardly. He healed the sick. Our government is far from having a decent health care system to benefit all classes, choosing instead to let drug corporations rule. Jesus recognized the poor. Our government allows Big Business to dole out jobs to overseas workers while potential workers in our own country go jobless and hungry. (How many times do you hear a truly American voice when you call a company for customer service? Many of those calls are being answered overseas, where our personal information is on their computers for them to peruse and answer our questions and promise to resolve our issues. And where are all the American mom-and-pop businesses within our communities? Most are being run by folks from other countries who love taking our American dollars.)

And -- of course you knew I would get to this -- there’s the war in Iraq. All evidence points to the fact that we were misled by our possibly misled government into initiating our “war against terror” in a country where the evil Iraqi leader himself was lying in his boasting about having weapons of mass destruction and possible nuclear capabilities. Meanwhile, dictators of smaller nations were and are committing even more dastardly acts against their people, yet we don’t get involved.

How many of our brave and heroic young men and women in the armed forces died in a war based on fabrications, and how long will they have to remain in that country to try to clean up the mess?

The U.S. was like a dog chasing a car. When the dog caught the car, it didn’t know what to do with it.

I admire our troops and pray for their safety and security. But some of those who have returned home have acknowledged to me that they were proud to have served their country, but they still don’t know exactly what they were fighting for.

At least half of all American citizens who went to the polls voted to put these men and women in harm’s way. The politicians point to the religious right and essentially say they are doing what their constituents wanted.

I believed in the Afghanistan conflict. Those who attacked the U.S. had their orders issued from there. But Iraq? What would Jesus have done? We certainly aren’t trying to convert the Iraqis to Christianity, and people are still dying violent deaths on a daily basis there. And doesn’t the Bible say something like, “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord”?

But now, I’m beginning to ramble even more than usual.

Good Christians can and should think for themselves. Pastors are teachers who can and should be leading us to heaven with the truth of the Gospels, not into a living hell of death and destruction based on fallacies.

Lest you are not really hearing what I’m saying here, organized churches are good in some respects. Their members can fellowship and grow spiritually, spreading the true message of Christ through actions and deeds and not words alone. In our free country, they can love the Lord and live and vote their own conscience -- not follow the will of someone else. Their single denomination alone does not hold the sole key to heaven, and I believe many may be surprised who all they will meet when they get there.

So, ministers. I urge you. Stick to the gospel and leave politics along, because dirty politics are giving you a bad name. Spiritually feel those who so desperately need the Word in these troubled times.

Then, and only then, can love and truth prevail and hate, evil, war, prejudice and inequality subside.--- This commentary reflects only the opinions of veteran journalist Toney Atkins.

(c) 2005 By Toney Atkins

WE WANT THE TRUTH ABOUT THE IRAQ WAR

We can all be patriots, praying for and supporting our troops. Being patriotic doesn't mean we have to agree with the actions of the president and his administration.

Please read my commentary at:

http://www.toneyatkins.com/id46.html

OTHER THINGS ABOUT WHICH I WRITE

MORE PUBLISHED AND UNPUBLISHED STORIES AND COMMENTARIES BY TONEY ATKINS AT http://toneyatkins.tripod.com/id31.html

SPECIAL PEOPLE

UPDATE: Charlie J. Atkins, a veteran of World War II who earned the Purple Heart and was honorably discharged, passed away peacefully on his birthday, Aug. 22. He had been wonderfully cared for by doctors, nurses and other personnel at Erlanger and Memorial hospitals and HealthSouth in Chattanooga, TN; North Georgia Home Health Care Agency in Fort Oglethorpe, GA; Hospice of Chattanooga; and especially NHC of Fort Oglethorpe, where he died. Wilson Funeral Home, J. Avery Bryan Chapel, of Chickamauga, GA, was in charge of the arrangements, featuring a beautiful funeral service and an emotional and inspiring military ceremony at Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Chattanooga.  The following was written before Mr. Atkins passed away and before the writer, his son, appreciatively received more messages of sympathy, prayers and encouragement from more white and black acquaintances alike:

BY TONEY ATKINS For The Daytona Times       

    I can't do anything but send a big shout-out of heartfelt thanks to the Black community of Daytona Beach, FL.     

    As I have written before, much to the chagrin of some of my white "friends" and acquaintances, most of my real friends are in the Black community, and that has been proven in recent weeks. (Incidentally, I am white, and many whites simply have never understood why I would want to work for a minority newspaper.)

    After being forced to stop working in the Daytona Times office several months ago because of a serious back injury and trying to do some things from home, my earthly father in northwest Georgia suddenly faced some truly serious health challenges in mid-June. No second thoughts were needed in my decision to return to the area where I grew up to be whatever help to him I could.     

    He had suffered numerous health issues in recent years, but none were quite so dramatic as when a Veterans Administration physician finally ordered tests to determine why his legs and feet were swollen to almost twice their normal size. He had not been back in his home more than five minutes when he received a phone call from the doctor telling him that a taxi was en route to the house to take him to the hospital.     

Naturally, he was alarmed and frightened. He notified a lady friend but ordered her not to call me unless his condition was truly serious. I suspected something when I tried to call him several times and got no answer. When I called his friend, she was frantic because she didn't even know to which hospital he had gone and she hadn't heard from him. More than six hours after he had gotten the fateful call, I learned where he was and that he had been admitted.     

Doctors at the Chattanooga, TN, hospital found blood clots in his legs and feet. They were having problems getting his medical records from the VA and had to ask me the name of his primary physician so they could learn more about his background. 

    Angioplasty was performed to block the clots from going to his heart and lungs. But that was only the beginning. They discovered a condition in which his heart would race as high as 180 beats per minute and go as slow as 55 beats per minute. They began monitoring him and treating him for that. In the meantime, there was unexplained bleeding and his thinning skin was purple, especially on his arms and legs, from what to most of us would be simple bruising. To add to his woes, it was determined that prostate surgery was necessary. Doctors had to go back in a couple of weeks later and repair whatever was still wrong with the prostate. His bladder would not function. Within the period of a month, he went through a hell that a lot of people never suffer in a lifetime.     

More than one doctor told me his heart could stop beating at any time. His once strong body was weakening and unable to heal properly. He was already taking enough medication to stock a pharmacy, or so it seemed. He now requires professional care 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The prognosis is not good, although Dad is ready to die, having made peace with God quite some time ago. 

    He took a turn for the worst on Friday, Aug. 19, and could pass on at any time.

    I share this because many readers have had to endure watching their loved ones suffer and pass away. Being the only child and only close relative, I have experienced it only twice, with my grandmother in the 1960s and my mother about ten years ago. A miracle could still occur and Dad could be with me for years to come, but that isn't expected. One miracle, though, has been that we are closer as father and son than we've ever been, and I'm grateful for that.     

Why the shout-out of thanks to my friends in the Black community? I have been tremendously moved by the e-mails and verbal communications that I have gotten from my co-workers and the management at the Times, from two of the Black and two of the white members of the Daytona Beach City Commission, Daytona Beach Mayor Yvonne Scarlett-Golden, Volusia County-Daytona Beach NAACP President Cynthia Slater and several other members of the branch, along with some residents of the Black community.

 I have heard from only three white friends in the Daytona Beach area, and have gotten a great deal of support locally from my cousin, Linda Newberry of Walker County, GA, my only close relative in this northwest Georgia area.

All of your prayers and words of encouragement and support have meant more than any words I can write at this time can express. 

    In my nearly 15 years of active duty with the Daytona Times, I felt concern, empathy and love for those I met, interviewed and wrote about. The issues impacting the community are still vital and important to me. And you, in the community, have rewarded me, without even having to, with your recent actions. I love you for it. 

    Charlie Atkins, my father, will be 84 years old on Aug. 22 if he lives. An honorably discharged Army veteran of World War II, he received a Purple Heart for the injuries he suffered, which have plagued him to this day. He is a good man, loved by most who know him, and I am proud to call him Daddy. He, too, thanks you, and he has seemed surprised but as delighted as he can be that anyone cares.     

    Again, thank you and God bless you. I hope to be writing again soon about the good folks in Daytona and the problematic issues facing the community, but at the moment, one man is my priority, and I pray that you understand.       

-- Toney Atkins is a former assistant editor and senior writer for the Daytona Times in Daytona Beach, FL.  

SPREAD LOVE! Tell someone you love them today. They'll feel good, and you will,too! Check out my blog at http://toneyatkins.blogspot.com/ . The Daytona Times is online at http://www.daytonatimes.com/ .

THANKING WAR VETERANS DAILY

War Veterans Deserve Our Thanks  

BY TONEY ATKINS       

   Many times, citizens of all races, colors and creeds in the United States take so much of our freedom for granted that we forget that many of the people walking among us are a major part of the reason that we have so much for which we should be thankful. 

    This reality hit very close to home during a telephone conversation I recently had with a home health care official who is among those dedicated nurses and therapists who are caring for my ailing father, who will soon be 84 years old.     

She told me that when she first met him a couple of years ago, they talked about his experiences during World War II, during which he suffered back injuries in both a vehicular mishap and when a bomb exploded near him, throwing him back into a foxhole. As he shared other memories of hellish experiences in the European Theater of the war, she told him, "Thank you for what you did for our country."     

The lady said that her heart was touched when tears came to his eyes. She said she told him he must hear that often. Dad replied, "You're the first person who has ever said that to me."     

On the following holiday celebrating our nation's independence, the woman and a friend surprised him with patriotic balloons and cards of appreciation. Again, this aging war veteran was delighted and moved to tears.     

Dad has never shared that experience with me, just as he has always avoided even speaking about his experiences during the war or the Purple Heart he earned. He has never even told mewhat role he played in the military.     

However, in the past year or so, he has opened up about the horrible dreams of that period more than 60 years ago, waking up shaking from the vividness of the nightmares that still seemed very real, very now.    

The back injuries he suffered then have been magnified by arthritis, and he is in constant agonizing pain that medications barely touch. The several years he spent abroad fighting for his country were not only the time he could have had with his bride and a new son, but became a secret part of his life has been impacted every day and every night since his young adulthood and into his waning days on earth.     

Soldiers from the U.S. later fought in the Korean Conflict. As in the "Big War," many men and women came home, older than their years and never able to fully recapture the missed joys of lost youth. They served admirably, but I don't recall much ado being made over their heroism.     

The unpopular Vietnam Conflict (the media seldom referred to it as a war because war was never officially declared) saw more young people being sent to a hostile land, allegedly to fight the evils of communism. The free citizens of the soldiers' own country -- the USA -- were cruel in their lack of support for the war and took their anger out on returning troops, many of whom had suffered irreparable physical injuries and mental conditions that haunted them for many years.     

Far too many innocents returned in body bags. Only their families and true friends seemed to genuinely appreciate their sacrifices, and the ghosts are still there for many of them.     

Trained and untrained soldiers, including National Guardsmen from around the country, endured the hardships of preparing for and fighting in the short-lived Gulf War in the early 1990s after Iraq invaded oil-rich Kuwait. They returned to the U.S. as heroes, but many were angry and dissatisfied, believing that the mission had not truly been accomplished. What had been won? Dictator Saddam Hussein was not harmed and his government continued to operate, with only some sanctions placed against them to slap their wrists. They likely have their nightmares, too.    

About 10 years later, a new normal grabbed hold of a young millennium when the unbelivable happened: Jetliners hijacked by terrorists slammed into the World Trade Center towers in New York City, another was purposely crashed into the Pentagon in Washington, DC, while a third went down in a field in Pennsylvania, never reaching its unknown intended target.    

Sept. 11, 2001, was to become the day that changed the U.S. and the world, and security could no longer be taken for granted.    

Our troops were sent into battle in Afghanistan to retailiate against the mastermind of the attacks, Osama bin Laden, and his followers. Soldiers are still there and, despite a major victory of sorts, many of our troops are still being maimed or killed as the search for the elusive bin Laden continues four years later.     

For reasons the general public has yet to truly know, at least 130,000 of our military men and women were later transported to Iraq, where the mission to liberate that country of Hussein's rule was decared accomplished only months after the battle against an apparently inept army appeared to have been won. However, terrorists who were not in Iraq before joined a growing insurgency that opposed Americans' presence, and members of our armed forces are still being killed or wounded on an almost daily basis. The war is not yet done, and no one knows when or if the mission will indeed be accomplished or how many of our brave young people will be lost before it is over.    

A survey of troops returning from the Iraq war found that 50 percent had developed mental health problems three to four months after coming home, the Army's surgeon general said in a recent Associated Press report.    

The problems include anxiety, depression, nightmares, anger and an inability to concentrate, according to Lt. Gen Kevin Kiley and other military medical officials. A smaller group, usually with more severe cases of those symptoms, is diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.    

Anyone who has not been in combat cannot comprehend the horrors these men and women have endured or, for that matter, the nitty-gritty experiences of those who have been in any war. Our minds don't share what lives in theirs.     

It is not unpatriotic to oppose the war in Iraq, because Americans were misled as to why our troops had to go there.   

  It is unpatriotic not to support the men and women who are doing their assigned jobs with a constant risk of death, dismemberment or lifelong mental anguish. These are men and women of all races, colors and creeds who are heroes, giving of themselves so that the U.S. might enjoy what freedoms we have left.     

It is unpatriotic to discriminate against the veterans of the Vietnam Conflict. They are human beings who were doing their jobs for the military as you do your job every day. They were and are heroes who have sacrificed parts of their lives  -- including their physical and emotional well-being -- for you and me.     

It is unpatriotic to overlook those who fought in Korea. They suffered for us while we enjoyed the much-proclaimed innocene and blissful freedoms of the post-World War II era.    

It is definitely unpatriotic to forget the rapidly dying breed of World War II veterans who gave their all, fighting in countries abroad to keep their loved ones back home safe from the ravages of conflict.

How long has it been since you said "Thank you" to a veteran of any war?   By doing so, you could be doing your patriotic duty without any extreme effort on your part.     

Thank the individual with sincerity, and perhaps you will impact a life by making that person a little happier and more at peace, knowing that he or she is appreciated for their sacrifice about which we may think only briefly when Veteran's Day, Memorial Day or the Fourth of July come around.    

As in my Dad's case, you may be the only person from whom the man or woman who served for you has ever heard the words of thanks.     

Don't restrict the thought to one or two days a year. Let a veteran of World War II, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan or any other conflict know that the job they did then or are doing now was not in vain.     

To my heroes, Dad and everyone who served in the military in any capacity, and especially those who endured the battlefields of the world, I salute you and say: "Thanks for serving our country and doing your part to keep me free." 

(c) 2005, Toney Atkins 

BLACKS AND CRIME HOTBEDS

TONEY ATKINS COMMENTARY

It Really Is A Crime

DAYTONA BEACH, FL -- For years, I've kept my itchy typing fingers still on the subject of crime in the Black community, but if we don't tackle the problem now, when will we do it?

Blacks get upset when crime statistics show that some of the top hotbeds of crime are in the Black community. A former co-worker at the Daytona Times, who often appeared to be a bit prejudiced against whites, displayed anger on numerous occasions, claiming that Blacks who were accused of breaking the law were prominent on television news shows as opposed to the number of whites shown being arrested or standing in a courtroom.

That sometimes seemed to be true, but I recently kept a personal survey of the alleged lawbreakers pictured on television. On many occasions, whites who had been arrested for one thing or another outnumbered Blacks. Besides, if you don't commit the crime, you don't get the television time. Simply, the best way to avoid being on a local newscast as an accused criminal is not to commit a crime -- and that's true for Blacks and whites.

Let's face facts. There is a lot of crime in the Black community. Blacks sell drugs in the parking lots of convenience stores as well as elsewhere in the community. Blacks have prostituted their bodies openly in the Black community, sometimes in front of the Daytona Times building, other businesses and even churches.

The "poor me" excuse for such criminal activities doesn't carry any weight for either the law-abiding Blacks in the community -- and there are a large proportion of them -- or for me. Newspapers have many classified ads listing jobs. Some may be low-paying jobs in the accommodations industry or washing dishes in a restaurant -- but it is honest work and as respectable as anything anyone can do..

However, many minorities will claim there are no jobs available for Blacks. I have had many business people tell me the contrary, but a person of any color has to apply to get a job and then has to apply himself or herself on that job to move forward and eventually make more money. Some Blacks have admitted to me over the years that they are not going to work at a menial job for little pay, and that there is more money in distributing illegal drugs, along with being able to work on one's own schedule.

Of course, drug dealing can result in violence, including fights, gun battles, slashing with knives -- and let's be real. These things do go on, and sadly, many people in the community are too frightened to combat the problem. They lock themselves in their homes, with bars covering the windows, and won't even leave the house at night because they are scared. In nearly 15 years with the Daytona Times, I have been told this by residents time and again.

If the police try to maintain peace in the community, the lawmen are taunted and accused of brutality. A number of members in white communities also hate authority and blame the police, especially if they get caught committing a crime. Area police officers are basically outstanding and do the best they can, and they handle alleged lawbreakers equally, no matter what their color.

I'm not writing this from mere hearsay. I've witnessed the nightmare, the danger. I've ridden through predominently Black parts of town where many law-abiding Blacks would not go after the sun went down. They are afraid they'll be robbed, shot, beaten ... or worse.

Police often seem to protect at least some Black offenders, for reasons unknown. When my car was stolen by a Black man with a white woman about 15 years ago, a detective came by to see me about a month after the stripped vehicle was found. He showed me mug shots of a number of possible suspects. I pointed out the photo that most resembled the man of my description. A young resident came by the office to give me a person's name who was claiming to have taken my car, which contained all of my earthly possessions. I notified the police. To my knowledge, the individual who, by the time the detective talked with me, had been jailed on another charge. He was never arrested for taking my car, and I was urged by the detective not to write any more columns about my harrowing experience in the newspaper. You figure it out.

On several recent occasions, after working late at the Daytona Times, I would stand in front of the building, either waiting for a taxicab or a bus (when there was service through the community south of Orange Avenue after dark). Although I was never threatened, I was approached many times by Blacks selling drugs or prostituting themselves. I suppose that, in their minds, a white man in the Black community must be after something more than a ride home.

With some humor laced with sadness, I could almost understand the community's feeling of harassment when one night, a police car stopped as I was waiting in front of the newspaper building. Two officers emerged from the patrol car, wanting to know why I was there. They didn't seem to believe my story about waiting for Votran until a bus approached on Dr. Martin Luther King Boulevard and I waved it down. The officers allowed me to catch my bus.

That touches on a related fact. Votran halted its night service south of Orange after several instances in which rocks, bricks and other materials were thrown at buses as they passed. On at least one occasion, the windshield on the driver's side was broken. A spokesperson for Votran told meat the time that the company couldn't afford to endanger their driversorpassengers. That makes sense, but the policy hurts those in the community who wouldn't think of breaking the law and who need rides to their jobs or to stores or entertainment establishments after dark.

It is also true that drugs and prostitution abound on parts of Ridgewood Avenue within several blocks in either direction from its intersection with International Speedway Boulevard. The same activity occurs on S. Atlantic Avenue on the beachside, particularly in a several block area near the street's intersection with Silver Beach. A mostly-white element is involved there.

When fear and dread keep Black residents trapped in their own homes, it is criminal.

There can be no excuse for anyone robbing, threatening, wounding or sometimes even killing another person. When criminals rule the roost, the henhouse is in trouble.

Instead of accusing the white establishment, the police and the mainstream media of making an issue of pointing to parts of the Black community as hotbeds of crime, perhaps Blacks who want peace, who want to take a walk down the street or even desire to go shopping after the sun sets need to unite and do something about the problem ... something to take back the community and bring back the pride that once was here.

The reader may think: That would take a miracle. It might, but miracles begin with each of us. We can douse the hotbeds of criminal activity -- Black and white -- and live without fear. But that is not going to happen by itself.

Will the creation of a new reality in the community begin with you?

-- Toney Atkins, a veteran writer and former assistant editor of the Daytona Times, takes sole responsibility for these comments, which may not be the opinions of others involved with the Daytona Times.  

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ESCAPING THE HURRICANE: A VISION OF ARMAGEDDON?

A VISIONS COLUMN BY TONEY ATKINS

Hurricane season is here again, and the tropics are starting to churn. After suffering the wrath of three devastating hurricanes within a six-week period, some folks around Daytona Beach are watching the weather with a certain amount of fear and trembling, if only in the back of their minds.

Despite an appearance of normalcy, signs of the storms' wrath in 2004 are still visible in the Daytona Beach area. Some businesses remain closed, workers can still be seen making repairs on structures throughout the county, and a number of residents still suffer psychological effects of the impact the hurricanes had on their lives -- something many had believed they would never have experienced because such storms had been a rarity here.

Black and white businesses alike continue to struggle to recover their losses. Some residents say they still haven't received the financial assistance they believe they were promised to get their lives together again.

One Black resident died after Charley plowed through the area. As the rains and winds were diminishing, she was outside and was electrocuted when she came into contact with a live power line.

In addition to fallen trees, power lines and damage to homes, businesses and property, residents learned the harsh realities of the potency of a hurricane. With each of the three storms, people discovered what it meant to live without modern conveniences. For days and even weeks, some areas had no electricity, meaning no lights, no air conditioning, the inability to pump gasoline into their vehicles or to get money from ATM machines. Computers were useless in places without power or backup generators, and in some areas, cell phone service was disrupted.

The experiences were much like ominous glimpses into what could happen as the result of a terrorist attack. In these cases, Mother Nature was the terrorist, reminding us that we are mere mortals who have to learn to weather and conquer obstacles in order to survive.

My mind flashes back to the Labor Day hurricane -- Frances, I believe it was. Residents on beachside areas along most of the east coast of Florida were ordered to evacuate. Because there was uncertainty as to where the storm would actually hit, many did not know where to go, so they simply headed north.

As fate would have it, I had to travel to Georgia to deal with a familyemergency. My adrenaline was surging as I drove on U.S.92 underneath the Interstate 95 overpass. The interstate was like a parking lot. Vehicles were not moving much at all. The one service station that was selling gasoline near I-95 was jammed with a line of cars waiting their turns at the pumps.

I stopped at a boarded up 7-Eleven that sported a handwritten sign advising that the store was open. There were few people inside, even though the hurricane was a couple of days away. The latest edition of the Daytona Times headlined that Volusia County residents were gearing for the storm.

There was little traffic on International Speedway Boulevard all the way to the beachside, and a decision to drive through part of the Black community revealed the uncanny, unusual sight of practically no one on the streets. Atlantic Avenue on the beachside resembled a ghost town, unlike an ordinary time when the street would be busy with cars and pedestrians. Hotels and motels had already boarded up and shut down. The air was almost too still, only occasionally awakened by a gust of wind.

My pondering as to which route to take took me up S.R. A1A. I couldn't help but feel an eerie sensation as I drove north, practically the only vehicle on the highway. There was a sense of foreboding as I glanced at the angry Atlantic Ocean and almost expected a huge wave to sweep over the road and drag me out to sea. Occasional raindrops and sea spray sprinkled my car.

When I was forced to I-95, the nightmare really began as I became part of the gridlock of evacuees. Interstate 10 was faster moving, but surreal with the number of cars packing the rest areas and lined along the road. The gridlock resumed at Interstate 75 and again it was difficult to find a parking spot in a rest area, where people of all races, tired and some with wild eyes, walked around to take a break from their travels to heaven knows where. A van hauling horses passed through; some cars seemed to be loaded with all of their occupants' earthly belongings; people seemed ignorant of any differences as they talked about the impending storm, their concerns, their fears and their prayers. A woman opened her raincoat to reveal her naked body as cars moved slowly toward the exit, which made me wonder irrationally if she had left home so fast she forgot to put on her clothes.

Vehicles became constant neighbors as they snaked northward on I-75 after dawn. In South Georgia, the DJ on a radio station playing gospel music warned drivers that all hotels and motels near the interstate were already booked solid all the way to Atlanta. Churches called in, offering refuge to travelers. One caller offered a room in his home. Places to get free meals were announced. Another station revealed that the hospitality was spreading. I remember thinking that Floridians should express their gratitude to the Georgians for opening their doors during a time of crisis.

It was rare to see anything but Florida tags on the northbound vehicles. It was a though Georgians were taking alternate routes to avoid adding to the line of cars snaking through their state.

Atlanta radio stations advised that there were no acccommodations all the way to the Georgia-Tennessee state line. In Chattanooga, stations were advising that many hotels and motels were already full, and callers told of heart-wrenching encounters with the refugees in which they overheard such conversations as one between a father and daughter. The girl wanted a candy bar, and her dad told her that she couldn't have it, but only because he didn't know how they were going to afford to spend the night at a motel. Generosity bloomed again as shelters opened and people offered prayers for the people of Florida. Many Floridians didn't know what they would find when they were able to return.

A trip to my destination took more than twice as long as normal.

As it turned out, the area where I lived just outside Daytona Beach was flooded and without power for days while I was gone. My return trip was in total darkness, driving down I-75 past exits where there were no lights at the usual restaurants, service stations and other businesses.

It was like a glimpse of Armageddon.

I relate this experience because it dramatically impacted me as to the power of nature on our lives and that it could happen again. And I couldn't help but wonder how the same people who stayed and those who left would handle an even worse catastrophe, God forbid.

Are we ever really prepared? Now's the time to start thinking about it with Hurricane Season 2005 in its infancy. Now's the time to live in hope, not fear or dread. It's time to be ready, with prayers that no one anywhere will have to experience repeat performances of last year's horrors, minor in some respect to those elsewhere in the world.

-- The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of the staff and management of the Daytona Times. Toney Atkins is a senior writer for the newspaper.

(c) 2005, Toney Atkins / Daytona Times

AFTER MEMORIAL DAY

COMMENTARY  

Life Goes On During Wars Here And Abroad

By Toney Atkins      

   So far in my lifetime, up to the middle of the first decade of the new millennium, there have been at least six wars of which I'm aware.
    I  suppose it didn't matter a whole lot in my personal sphere of existence when I was young because the men and women fighting the battles were over there somewhere. I knew it was happening; it was depressing to a certain extent; but my everyday concerns monopolized my thinking and pushed the harsh realities of what was happening in the rest of the world to the recesses of the closet in my brain.
    My dad fought overseas in World War II, during which I entered the world. A lot of Americans were there and died, fighting the likes of Nazism and the Japanese who sought to bring the United States to its knees, starting with Pearl Harbor.
    The war affected Dad in ways that I'll probably never truly understand. Now in his 80s, he only recently opened up and talked to me about the nightmares he still has about the bombs, the bodies, the fears. He sleeps only a few hours each night, because the war comes back to haunt him when he closes his eyes. He said he nearly had to walk out of the movie theater when he saw "Rambo" because anxiety ripped at his nerves as the action of another war was flashed on the screen -- fiction based on a real conflict.
    One of my only memories of that time -- or perhaps it was only a dream -- was of Mother standing on the front porch, crying as my father walked away toward the railroad tracks to go into town to catch the train which would transport him toward conflict.
    Meanwhile, learning from members of our small community, I was afraid of Black people. They were different and to be feared, I was told, not being educated to the fact that Black airmen and other soldiers had been unpublicized heroes in the war. I recall that when I was still very young, a friend and I encountered a young Black boy on a country road near the Black section of town. We ran in terror. I was later to wonder why, realizing that the war of attitudes between the races wasbeginning to rage on our own shores.
    Some men from my small mill village hometown went off to Korea a few years after the first atomic bombs essentially ended WWII when I was only 2. I remember seeing the photographs of the Korean Conflict on the front pages of newspapers, but we didn't have television, so we weren't exposed to all that was going on over there in the war against communism. Those who came back from Korea didn't talk much about it, at least, not in my presence.
    I grew up with those infamous "under the desk" school drills of the 1950s as the fear of The Bomb potentially being in the hands of our enemies lurked in the background of our daily activities. Hearing groups of military planes flying over our schoolhouse  would cause some of us to be scared, at least  for a few moments. Were they ours, or were we about to be blown into oblivion?
    Here in the U.S., the 1950s and early 1960s were peaceful and superficially innocent, disturbed only by the growing civil rights movement.  As tensions grew as Blacks began to openly demand equal rights, much to the dismay of whites. That war was escalating.
    Somewhere in the background, our soldiers, Black and white, were being sent to a place called South Vietnam, allegedly to train the people there to fight an intrusion of communism.
Later, that would become an explosive conflict that would change the course of life as we thought we knew it. It always seemed to be referred to as a "conflict," although it certainly seemed to be a war. The nation became divided because our troops were over there fighting, being wounded or dying, and it wasn't clear what we were trying to accomplish or even how we planned to emerge as winners. There were protests. Rebellion brought changes in attitudes and even morals.
    Meanwhile, conflict raged in our cities as violence broke out and buildings burned as the battle for civil rights continued. A president was assassinated, as was a powerful civil rights leader, and we twice mourned as we recovered from our shock and horror.
    Men and women came back from Vietnam, scarred and unfairly scorned by many. They had done what their country had told them to do, but their country didn't seem to appreciate it. Many citizens who knew only what they read in the newspapers or saw on network news on television just wanted the unpleasantness of Vietnam to go away, even in memory. But like those who fought in earlier wars, the veterans could not make the war inside them disappear so easily. They had seen the horrors of conflict, and many had lost friends and comrades.
    On the home front, Blacks had achieved a great deal of equality as a result of a degree of peace came during the rights movement, although resentment still reigned, especially in many parts of the South. By that time, I had long decided that there was no good reason to discriminate because of skin color, but many folks in my part of the country didn't agree. The war for equality went underground as whites struggled to accept what supposedly had been resolved.
    Life went on, with many appearing not to have a care in the world as they smothered reality with drugs, alcohol and disco lights. Our nation had a few "minor" conflicts after         Vietnam, but all seemed relatively peaceful until the early 1990s, when Iraq burst into the news as its soldiers moved into the oil fields of Kuwait. The United States put its armed forces into action, sending the experienced and inexperienced into a land of heat and desert sand. After months of military preparation, TV viewers watched as bombs exploded over Baghdad and our troops moved in. It was all over in a matter of weeks, but the impact was felt in hometowns around the country as family and friends prayed and awaited the return of their loved ones.
    The battle ended without resolution for many soldiers, who came back feeling anger that the mission hadn't totally been accomplished. Many said they couldn't understand why Iraqi President Saddam Hussein wasn't taken down because of his apparently malicious intent and arrogance. Many soldiers returned to the U.S. with physical and mental scars after the combat, and they were treated as heroes.
    Then came the day that would change the world forever. Terrorists staged a spectacular attack on the U.S. on Sept. 11, 2001, killing and injuring many citizens of all races, colors and creeds. We were horrified and an underlying fear became pervasive. Perhaps for the first time in history, Americans were briefly united in a struggle to understand the pain and agony and to move forward, striving to regain the "normalcy" of our more naive past.     U.S. troops were sent into battle in Afghanistan, which many Americans supported because the villains behind the atrocity allegedly emanated from there. A degree of victory was achieved, but the man believed to be behind the attacks on our country was elusive and, at this writing, remains at large.
    Before that war could be finished, the presidential administration of George W. Bush suddenly signaled that he believed Iraq was a center for terrorism and that its leader was a monster who had to be brought down. Giving the public reasons that later were to prove to be misleading, many more troops were sent to Iraq. A relatively quick victory prompted President Bush and others in his administration to proclaim "mission accomplished."     Several years later, the bloody violence continues and officials say more terrorists are in that country now than before the war. Our soldiers are still dying, and at least one Marine who returned safely recently told me that many like him were proud to serve but that they were never really given an honest explanation of what they were fighting for.
    Black and white veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars are returning, many with mental and physical wounds from which they may never recover. Others are coming back in coffins, with families and friends praying that their deaths ultimately will prove to have been worth the cost.
    After the war at home, Blacks and whites alike now coexist although, in many ways, remain separate. That never-declared and seemingly never-ending war still seethes beneath the surface, with many bridges of understanding to be built before the hate and bigotry end.     The Bible foretold wars and rumors of wars. Here and there, too much blood has been shed for our "freedom" as life goes on and we go about pretending everything is fine.     Let's pray that no life lost in any war has been in vain. Let us support and honor those who have fought, here and there, so that we might maintain a a superficially peaceful, democratic nation.
    We've only recently celebrated Memorial Day, but one day is not enough to take a mere moment from our busy lives to comprehend and remember those who sacrificed all so that we might live in unity and freedom from the fear of our enemies.
    There is no peace in the world today. Without sincere prayers, determination and honest but firm leadership, present wars will continue and new ones will develop.
    We pray the current conflicts will end soon and our men and women can come home to heroes' welcomes and their families and that all of us can eventually enjoy life without war, one day at a time, with hope for the future.

VICES

THE VICES AMONG US By Toney Atkins

From Somewhere In My Brain

(c) 2005

"I don't know of any other class of people that gets pushed outside," said the stranger, who paused as he started to open the door to the Waffle House, observing me as I lit a cigarette. "A lot of us are pretty nice people."

The clean-cut, middle-aged man, with his long hair neatly bound with some kind of band, was friendly and chose to elaborate on the discrimination against smokers brought about by the passage of a Florida law forbidding smoking in restaurants, cocktail lounges that serve food, and other public places.

I would be remiss if I attempted to quote him verbatim, but he realized he had an eager audience, so he expounded on his comment with suggestions about what he believes the government should do in taking further measures to prevent other hazards to the public.

He agreed that smoking can cause lung cancer and other diseases in the body, but asked why only smokers have been singled out for their vice.

Shouldn't bars be forbidden to serve alcohol, because not only does it cause cirosis of the liver, stomach ailments, high blood pressure and other woes, but many who imbibe alcoholic beverages drive under the influence and sometimes kill or injure themselves and others?

Shouldn't grossly overweight people be banned from restaurants, because their obesity is a reflection of overindulgence of food and drink, bringing on high cholesterol, heart attack, stroke and other ailments? Is that a good example for other patrons, especially children? he asked.

Shouldn't hypocrites be forbidden to belong to churches, because they don't practice what they preach and are bad examples of Christianity and therefore endanger the potential faith of others who come into contact with them?, his proclamation continued. Such is harmful to mental and spiritual health, he said.

"A lot of us smokers are pretty nice people," the man repeated. "There ought to be a law."

He said a few things more, but I must now stop writing this tome. I need to light up, pop open a can of beer and eat my footlong sub sandwich while I read my Bible.

Peace.

(c) 2005, Toney Atkins

A NEW PERVERSION

A NEW PERVERSION

By Toney Atkins

A new perversion has suddenly entered my life as I weave my way into my early 60s: I've lost interest in sex.

No, it's not that the hormones quit raging. Perhaps they just raged so long, they needed to rest and decided they liked retirement.

I tried one of those 36-hour male enhancement drugs. but ended up with nothing but a backache.

I'm probably one of the few men in the world who will turn his eyes away from a steamy sex scene in a movie, much as most would close their eyes as a screaming victim is hacked to death by an ax murderer. It even embarrasses me to watch animals copulating on nature shows.

I don't deny that age possibly has something to do with this, but this perversion seemed to hit me overnight not too long ago.

It's not that I'm falling apart. Some have told me that I look "hot" and that I apprear to be a lot younger. Then I'm brought down to earth when the clerk at Kentucky Fried Chicken automatically gives me a senior discount without a second look. But the mirror still shows a certain distinction and not extinction. I woke this morning, so I'm still alive. The thrill is gone, but I don't miss it. If that's not perversion, what is?

Although I rarely analyze it or dwell on what I once believed was one of the most important things in my life, it sometimes occurs to me that I indeed must be an oddball.

I even went to an adult chat room on the Internet to see if stimulation lay in some unknown person who could live anywhere in the world. One of the room's inhabitants sent me an instant message, and the profile information displayed what had to be a human being with the most sexually attractive body in the world. That unseen being saw me as being an object of perfection. However, my mental image of the writer was of a 400-pound creature whose major orgasms came from ingesting three Whoppers and four Slurpees at one sitting. My sexual stirrings remained dormant.

My eyes still find pleasure in looking at a beautiful person, but I'm finding that more people have a certain special beauty if I look at them long enough.

I believe in love, but where is the lust? Am I missing something? Am I any different than I was before when I believed that proving sexual prowess was one of the most essential things in life?

Now I'm out of the closet with this perversion, I hope you don't think less of me.It's certainly not that you are not sexy. It's simply that I'd rather just love you, and it's sad if that's considered to be perverted in this day and age.

WHO DOES GOD LOVE MOST?

By Toney Atkins

In the whole scheme of things, we're smaller than the tiniest germ or virus that we can view through the most powerful microscope.

When we admire the beauty of the heavens in the nighttime sky, our brains are not capable of comprehending just how far away are the stars we can see and that there are many more stellar bodies and worlds beyond those that we cannot see.

If we were standing on a planet orbiting one of those faraway suns and looking up into the sky, we wouldn't even know Earth existed or that intelligent beings lived there.

We're told that the universe goes on and on forever, but forever is something most of us can't comprehend, because we see everything as having a beginning and an end. We know it had to begin sometime, somehow, but none of the scientific theories offer a satisfactory exact conclusion to that eternal question.

Spiritual people believe that a Higher Power, whether He be called God or something else, created all of this. Many believe that Earth is the center of God's universe and that we have the only planet sustaining life. Considering how tiny we really are, that's hard for some of us, including the spiritual human beings, to believe. In the massive expanse of creation, why would God make us His most special place -- His only place? It seems reasonable to believe that worlds beyond our vision and understanding also worship the Creator and a Savior.

Religion turns off a lot of people in the 21st century. There are so many religions on this single speck in space. Who is right? Who does God love most? Who's going to heaven and who's going to hell, wherever in the known universe those places are?

Throughout the world, good people believe different things about God. They have different rules and practices, and each believes theirs is right.

The Catholics believe and worship in a certain way; Baptists, Methodists, Episcopalians, Mormons, Pentacostals, Buddhists and others have their individual churchwide beliefs and standards for members to practice. Individual churches believe that if you stray from their policies and rules, you are most likely hellbound.

In the U.S. alone, Christians are divided as to how they behave and practice their beliefs. When God sent Jesus to this third rock from our sun, the powerful message that was delivered was that of truth and love. This is what confuses many non-believers today. Too many see Christians as not practicing what they preach. They see lies, deceit, discrimination, hate instead of the love brought by Christ and detailed in the first four books of the New Testament of the Holy Bible.

Many Christians don't associate with any particular church organization because they see more politics than spirituality and more negativity than spiritual enlightenment. Members often gossip about and fight among themselves, sometimes splitting and forming yet another church.

I consider myself to be a Christian. I'm not what many would call a "good Christian," but I try to practice the principles brought by Jesus, although many times, I fail in my efforts.

Perhaps God sent Jesus to other worlds, too. I have no proof, but nor do I have evidence that there are perfect living beings anywhere who don't need spiritual help and guidance.

I believe that least two spirits flow throughout the whole universe. One is the spirit of God, of Love; the other is of evil, that for reasons we can't entirely be certain, God allowed to exist. I believe our minds and bodies tune into these spirits as they flow invisibly through the air like radio, TV and cell phone waves. Which spirit we choose to follow ultimately depends on each individual person.

Which church is right? Which religion is the one to believe to get close to God? I would suggest that a fellowship believing in and truly practicing the teachings of their Savior in the aforementioned four books about His existence and ascention is best. I believe that a church that allows individuality ... because we are all separate islands existing among others ... is better for every person seeking truth and happiness in this life on a tiny grain of sand in God's sea of love.

Who does God love most? Throughout the world and the endless universe, I believe He loves every living being, and He shares that love to those who simply choose to tune in to the spirit of love and to believe and rejoice in this miracle called life.

May we all find that spirit in these uncertain times before we destroy each other by following the alternative path.

If only we could love each other as much as He loves us! What a wonderful universe it would be!

A TRIBUTE TO MOTHERS

MOTHER'S DAY ... A TRIBUTE

A published VISIONS Column

By Toney Atkins
In past years, I have received a number of wonderful and inspiring phone calls and letters about what has become my annual tribute in the Daytona Times to my beautiful mother, who passed from this world on April 17, 1994.

There have been requests to repeat that tribute, at least in part, to share with those who know what it means to have lost a mother and with those who are fortunate enough to still be able to look their mothers in the eyes on Mother's Day and say, "I love you."

This year marks the 11th anniversary of my mother's death and the 11th year that I still get choked up when I pass a counter in a store stocked with Mother's Day cards - especially the giant ones, which would truly have impressed my mom.

I recently traveled back to the town in which I was born to be with my dad, who currently is going through several different health crises which threaten to take him from me, too.

During the last few months of her life, my mother pleaded with me to get closer to my earthly father and to take care of him. He and I, indeed, have bridged a terrible gap that always seemed to be between us for far too many years, so the prayers of a loving mother were answered - and I am grateful. My dad, who took tender care of Mother during her final months, and I both still miss the woman who had a tremendous impact on both our lives.

My mother is eternal now, but in a spiritual sphere where I can't pick up the telephone and call her and tell her how concerned I am about my father and to hear her words of comfort and advice. Oh, how I miss her! Oh, how I realize how much I took her for granted! Time has increased my appreciation and love for her, but she's not here for me to tell her so.

Somewhere in my belongings is the Mother's Day card I had bought ahead of time in 1994 - the first time I had gotten one in years to send early so she would get it on or before Mother's Day, not several days or a week afterwards. "Better late than never," I always said with a laugh as I excused myself and apologized when she inevitably received it late, and she always said she forgave and thanked me profusely.

I still vividly remember the night that I walked into a dimly lit room in a Georgia hospital and looked down at the shell of my mother on the bed. She appeared to be so at peace and looked so much younger than her 74 years.

An hour earlier, she had been struggling for breath as she lay in a coma on a bed in another room in the hospital, with tubes running into her nose and into her arms that seemed brutally bruised by too many intravenous needles. There were fewer of them than there had been before, because they were relatively useless now. The doctors and nurses had told my dad and me that her body was shutting down, its parts failing rapidly, and that soon the few breaths we heard rattling through the room would be silent.

They were right. Her battle with cancer, congestive heart failure and other ailments - especially the stroke that sent her to the hospital for the last time - would be over that Sunday night - three weeks to the day before Mother's Day that year.

The card she never got to see was still in Daytona Beach.

The blessing was that, at least by appearances, she died without apparent agony from the horrible pain she could have been feeling. She had suffered very much. After her last breath, even with the hospital paraphernalia still attached to her, her years of struggle melted away. As her spirit entered a realm free of suffering, her face expressed its relief.

My mother loved me - sometimes, I thought, too much. She never liked my living 550 miles away. I lived under the "curse" of being an only child and being "smothered with love."

She was an outspoken woman, even moreso with age. You could always depend on her speaking her mind to anyone and everyone. If you didn't like it - tough! But most people, young and old, including the minister who preached at her funeral, loved her for her simplistic, down-to-earth qualities. They saw her goodness as well as her human frailties, and the minister made special note that she indeed was one of a kind.

My mother was proud of me. It wasn't that I could do no wrong, because she would always be the first to let me know that I often did. But whether she approved or disapproved, she tried to act as though she respected my feelings and decisions.

I was required to send her copies of the Daytona Times (and the Daytona Beach News-Journal, when I was a writer and editor there) so she could proudly show off my writings to her friends and neighbors.

Oh, the many things I miss about Mother! She was always there when I needed someone to talk to. In our long distance telephone conversations, she worried about me, concerned about whether I was eating right, whether I was staying out of trouble and always wanting to know when I was going to get married and give her a grandchild to dote over. Even though I had crossed the threshold of 50 at the time of her passing, I was always her "little boy."

Eleven years later, I still sometimes find it hard to accept that my mother and my best friend is gone and I can't tell her how I feel about her and let her know that she did a wonderful job in trying to raise a good son. (None of my character defects can be blamed on her.)

How I wish I could hug her tightly and talk to her now!

The purpose of this writing is simple. It's not just therapeutic. I hope it prompts each and every reader whose mother is still alive to stop and think about that special woman, to remember her and treasure her while she's here, especially on the upcoming Mother's Day.

Pay her a visit. Send a card. Send flowers. Give her a telephone call. Buy a gift. Make her feel special, because after all, she brought someone special into the world - you.

(c) 2005 Toney Atkins/Daytona Times

WORMS ON THE INTERNET

The internet is a wonderful thing. The resource information for a multitude of topics is virtually unlimited.
Yet, like with anything else in this world of ours, it is abused by heartless people who have no respect for themselves or others. They'd rather cause problems with viruses and worms and such, possibly to elevate themselves in their own minds and the minds of other that their notoriety is fame to be admired. That train of thought is a sickness in itself, and one can't help but wonder if the brains of those who delight in such acts aren't filled with worms and viruses.
After starting this journal on AOL, the day after I wrote my thoughts on the war in Iraq and not forgetting how it began, popups became ingrained on some of the pages in a website (no longer listed here). Those popups would not go away, no matter what you did to eliminate them.
Rather than respond to my thoughts within the journal, some coward on the internet decided to take a more vicious tactic. One can only assume it came from the Republican religious right -- for whom many of us are losing respect on a daily basis. That group claims to love and follow the Lord, but perhaps they should go back and read the Gospels of Jesus Christ. How many so-called "Christians" actually follow the teachings of the Son of God? How many of them are listening to Satan, believing it is God? How many of them choose to hurt others rather than respect and love their neighbors ... the ones they can see and the ones they can't?
The internet is a wonderful tool for the exchange of ideas. We all have opinions, and here we have the right to express them. To prompt hate and criminal activity (which includes destruction of other people's property, including websites) is not the desire of most people who spend many hours at a computer and enjoy the still novel concept of having their thoughts and ideas spread around the world.
Some people don't want us to have individual concepts and will do anything they can to stop people who threaten their way of thinking. If they win, freedom loses. But a fact of life is, malicious people are out there and they will continue to hate, discriminate and violate the principles of the Bible. Some of them may even be among the congregation at your church service this weekend.
I may disagree with your way of thinking, but I won't hurt you or your creations. Please provide me with the same courtesy, and that will be a step toward making the world at large and the world of the Internet a better place.

THE WAR IN IRAQ ... Part 1 of many to come

The Associated Press, in a story about an interview with a German publication:
Colin Powell, who retired as secretary of state in January, also said he still is "furious and angry" about his Feb. 5, 2003, speech to the U.N. Security Council in which he said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction that violated U.N. sanctions.
No such weapons were found, but Powell told Stern he had no reason to doubt intelligence from the CIA and other agencies suggesting Saddam had them.

"I have to live with that."
-Colin Powell, on presenting false WMD evidence to the United Nations

Powell said he spent four days and three nights at the CIA before making the presentation, Stern reported.
''Some of this information was wrong. I didn't know that at the time,'' Powell was quoted as saying. ''I have to live with that.''
But he defended the U.S.-led invasion in 2003 that toppled Saddam and paved the way for elections in Iraq - despite the continuing anti-U.S. insurgency.
''Yes, the insurgency is much bigger than we assumed. But I'm happy that Saddam is in jail. And I'm darn glad that we will never again have to talk about weapons of mass destruction in connection with Iraq,'' Powell said.
''Anyone who says that has no idea. We are friends,'' he said.

MY REACTION: Powell's closing comment about being "darn glad that we will never again have to talk about weapons of mass destruction in connection with Iraq" bothers me, because we never had to talk about them to begin with.
However, the administration DID talk about them to the American public and the president and his underlings are on videotape of interviews in the pre-war days insisting that WMD were in Iraq and that Hussein planned to use them. Even after they were warned the intelligence could be flawed, the administration perpetuated this myth to convince ... or brainwash ... the American public of the need to go to war.
How many of our fine young men and women have died or will have to live with wartime injuries for the rest of their lives because of lies?
Perhaps the world is a better place without Hussein in control, but are we safer? No. Is Iraq a "democracy"? No, it has a long way to go. Are there more terrorists in Iraq than before the war? Yes. Should we sweep the fact that we were lied to in order to put more than 100,000 of our brave troops in harm's way be swept under the carpet and forgotten? I think not.
But we're there, and the job needs to be completed -- at most or even least to bring a semblance of peace. My hat is off to all members of our armed forces who did the jobs to which they were assigned. I pray that all of those remaining on foreign soil will return soon and safely to their homes and families.
I also pray that Americans -- and particularly our journalists -- will not be afraid to ask hard, probing questions in search of truth if such a conflict arises again.

Beginnings

This will be my first of what I plan to be many entries to share my life experiences, opinions and insights on my world and the world around me. There's much I want to say, and much that I want to hear from you.
You will find a basic philosophy throughout: Tell someone you love him or her today. They'll feel good, and you will, too.