A NEW PERVERSION

A NEW PERVERSION

By Toney Atkins

A new perversion has suddenly entered my life as I weave my way into my early 60s: I've lost interest in sex.

No, it's not that the hormones quit raging. Perhaps they just raged so long, they needed to rest and decided they liked retirement.

I tried one of those 36-hour male enhancement drugs. but ended up with nothing but a backache.

I'm probably one of the few men in the world who will turn his eyes away from a steamy sex scene in a movie, much as most would close their eyes as a screaming victim is hacked to death by an ax murderer. It even embarrasses me to watch animals copulating on nature shows.

I don't deny that age possibly has something to do with this, but this perversion seemed to hit me overnight not too long ago.

It's not that I'm falling apart. Some have told me that I look "hot" and that I apprear to be a lot younger. Then I'm brought down to earth when the clerk at Kentucky Fried Chicken automatically gives me a senior discount without a second look. But the mirror still shows a certain distinction and not extinction. I woke this morning, so I'm still alive. The thrill is gone, but I don't miss it. If that's not perversion, what is?

Although I rarely analyze it or dwell on what I once believed was one of the most important things in my life, it sometimes occurs to me that I indeed must be an oddball.

I even went to an adult chat room on the Internet to see if stimulation lay in some unknown person who could live anywhere in the world. One of the room's inhabitants sent me an instant message, and the profile information displayed what had to be a human being with the most sexually attractive body in the world. That unseen being saw me as being an object of perfection. However, my mental image of the writer was of a 400-pound creature whose major orgasms came from ingesting three Whoppers and four Slurpees at one sitting. My sexual stirrings remained dormant.

My eyes still find pleasure in looking at a beautiful person, but I'm finding that more people have a certain special beauty if I look at them long enough.

I believe in love, but where is the lust? Am I missing something? Am I any different than I was before when I believed that proving sexual prowess was one of the most essential things in life?

Now I'm out of the closet with this perversion, I hope you don't think less of me.It's certainly not that you are not sexy. It's simply that I'd rather just love you, and it's sad if that's considered to be perverted in this day and age.

WHO DOES GOD LOVE MOST?

By Toney Atkins

In the whole scheme of things, we're smaller than the tiniest germ or virus that we can view through the most powerful microscope.

When we admire the beauty of the heavens in the nighttime sky, our brains are not capable of comprehending just how far away are the stars we can see and that there are many more stellar bodies and worlds beyond those that we cannot see.

If we were standing on a planet orbiting one of those faraway suns and looking up into the sky, we wouldn't even know Earth existed or that intelligent beings lived there.

We're told that the universe goes on and on forever, but forever is something most of us can't comprehend, because we see everything as having a beginning and an end. We know it had to begin sometime, somehow, but none of the scientific theories offer a satisfactory exact conclusion to that eternal question.

Spiritual people believe that a Higher Power, whether He be called God or something else, created all of this. Many believe that Earth is the center of God's universe and that we have the only planet sustaining life. Considering how tiny we really are, that's hard for some of us, including the spiritual human beings, to believe. In the massive expanse of creation, why would God make us His most special place -- His only place? It seems reasonable to believe that worlds beyond our vision and understanding also worship the Creator and a Savior.

Religion turns off a lot of people in the 21st century. There are so many religions on this single speck in space. Who is right? Who does God love most? Who's going to heaven and who's going to hell, wherever in the known universe those places are?

Throughout the world, good people believe different things about God. They have different rules and practices, and each believes theirs is right.

The Catholics believe and worship in a certain way; Baptists, Methodists, Episcopalians, Mormons, Pentacostals, Buddhists and others have their individual churchwide beliefs and standards for members to practice. Individual churches believe that if you stray from their policies and rules, you are most likely hellbound.

In the U.S. alone, Christians are divided as to how they behave and practice their beliefs. When God sent Jesus to this third rock from our sun, the powerful message that was delivered was that of truth and love. This is what confuses many non-believers today. Too many see Christians as not practicing what they preach. They see lies, deceit, discrimination, hate instead of the love brought by Christ and detailed in the first four books of the New Testament of the Holy Bible.

Many Christians don't associate with any particular church organization because they see more politics than spirituality and more negativity than spiritual enlightenment. Members often gossip about and fight among themselves, sometimes splitting and forming yet another church.

I consider myself to be a Christian. I'm not what many would call a "good Christian," but I try to practice the principles brought by Jesus, although many times, I fail in my efforts.

Perhaps God sent Jesus to other worlds, too. I have no proof, but nor do I have evidence that there are perfect living beings anywhere who don't need spiritual help and guidance.

I believe that least two spirits flow throughout the whole universe. One is the spirit of God, of Love; the other is of evil, that for reasons we can't entirely be certain, God allowed to exist. I believe our minds and bodies tune into these spirits as they flow invisibly through the air like radio, TV and cell phone waves. Which spirit we choose to follow ultimately depends on each individual person.

Which church is right? Which religion is the one to believe to get close to God? I would suggest that a fellowship believing in and truly practicing the teachings of their Savior in the aforementioned four books about His existence and ascention is best. I believe that a church that allows individuality ... because we are all separate islands existing among others ... is better for every person seeking truth and happiness in this life on a tiny grain of sand in God's sea of love.

Who does God love most? Throughout the world and the endless universe, I believe He loves every living being, and He shares that love to those who simply choose to tune in to the spirit of love and to believe and rejoice in this miracle called life.

May we all find that spirit in these uncertain times before we destroy each other by following the alternative path.

If only we could love each other as much as He loves us! What a wonderful universe it would be!

A TRIBUTE TO MOTHERS

MOTHER'S DAY ... A TRIBUTE

A published VISIONS Column

By Toney Atkins
In past years, I have received a number of wonderful and inspiring phone calls and letters about what has become my annual tribute in the Daytona Times to my beautiful mother, who passed from this world on April 17, 1994.

There have been requests to repeat that tribute, at least in part, to share with those who know what it means to have lost a mother and with those who are fortunate enough to still be able to look their mothers in the eyes on Mother's Day and say, "I love you."

This year marks the 11th anniversary of my mother's death and the 11th year that I still get choked up when I pass a counter in a store stocked with Mother's Day cards - especially the giant ones, which would truly have impressed my mom.

I recently traveled back to the town in which I was born to be with my dad, who currently is going through several different health crises which threaten to take him from me, too.

During the last few months of her life, my mother pleaded with me to get closer to my earthly father and to take care of him. He and I, indeed, have bridged a terrible gap that always seemed to be between us for far too many years, so the prayers of a loving mother were answered - and I am grateful. My dad, who took tender care of Mother during her final months, and I both still miss the woman who had a tremendous impact on both our lives.

My mother is eternal now, but in a spiritual sphere where I can't pick up the telephone and call her and tell her how concerned I am about my father and to hear her words of comfort and advice. Oh, how I miss her! Oh, how I realize how much I took her for granted! Time has increased my appreciation and love for her, but she's not here for me to tell her so.

Somewhere in my belongings is the Mother's Day card I had bought ahead of time in 1994 - the first time I had gotten one in years to send early so she would get it on or before Mother's Day, not several days or a week afterwards. "Better late than never," I always said with a laugh as I excused myself and apologized when she inevitably received it late, and she always said she forgave and thanked me profusely.

I still vividly remember the night that I walked into a dimly lit room in a Georgia hospital and looked down at the shell of my mother on the bed. She appeared to be so at peace and looked so much younger than her 74 years.

An hour earlier, she had been struggling for breath as she lay in a coma on a bed in another room in the hospital, with tubes running into her nose and into her arms that seemed brutally bruised by too many intravenous needles. There were fewer of them than there had been before, because they were relatively useless now. The doctors and nurses had told my dad and me that her body was shutting down, its parts failing rapidly, and that soon the few breaths we heard rattling through the room would be silent.

They were right. Her battle with cancer, congestive heart failure and other ailments - especially the stroke that sent her to the hospital for the last time - would be over that Sunday night - three weeks to the day before Mother's Day that year.

The card she never got to see was still in Daytona Beach.

The blessing was that, at least by appearances, she died without apparent agony from the horrible pain she could have been feeling. She had suffered very much. After her last breath, even with the hospital paraphernalia still attached to her, her years of struggle melted away. As her spirit entered a realm free of suffering, her face expressed its relief.

My mother loved me - sometimes, I thought, too much. She never liked my living 550 miles away. I lived under the "curse" of being an only child and being "smothered with love."

She was an outspoken woman, even moreso with age. You could always depend on her speaking her mind to anyone and everyone. If you didn't like it - tough! But most people, young and old, including the minister who preached at her funeral, loved her for her simplistic, down-to-earth qualities. They saw her goodness as well as her human frailties, and the minister made special note that she indeed was one of a kind.

My mother was proud of me. It wasn't that I could do no wrong, because she would always be the first to let me know that I often did. But whether she approved or disapproved, she tried to act as though she respected my feelings and decisions.

I was required to send her copies of the Daytona Times (and the Daytona Beach News-Journal, when I was a writer and editor there) so she could proudly show off my writings to her friends and neighbors.

Oh, the many things I miss about Mother! She was always there when I needed someone to talk to. In our long distance telephone conversations, she worried about me, concerned about whether I was eating right, whether I was staying out of trouble and always wanting to know when I was going to get married and give her a grandchild to dote over. Even though I had crossed the threshold of 50 at the time of her passing, I was always her "little boy."

Eleven years later, I still sometimes find it hard to accept that my mother and my best friend is gone and I can't tell her how I feel about her and let her know that she did a wonderful job in trying to raise a good son. (None of my character defects can be blamed on her.)

How I wish I could hug her tightly and talk to her now!

The purpose of this writing is simple. It's not just therapeutic. I hope it prompts each and every reader whose mother is still alive to stop and think about that special woman, to remember her and treasure her while she's here, especially on the upcoming Mother's Day.

Pay her a visit. Send a card. Send flowers. Give her a telephone call. Buy a gift. Make her feel special, because after all, she brought someone special into the world - you.

(c) 2005 Toney Atkins/Daytona Times

WORMS ON THE INTERNET

The internet is a wonderful thing. The resource information for a multitude of topics is virtually unlimited.
Yet, like with anything else in this world of ours, it is abused by heartless people who have no respect for themselves or others. They'd rather cause problems with viruses and worms and such, possibly to elevate themselves in their own minds and the minds of other that their notoriety is fame to be admired. That train of thought is a sickness in itself, and one can't help but wonder if the brains of those who delight in such acts aren't filled with worms and viruses.
After starting this journal on AOL, the day after I wrote my thoughts on the war in Iraq and not forgetting how it began, popups became ingrained on some of the pages in a website (no longer listed here). Those popups would not go away, no matter what you did to eliminate them.
Rather than respond to my thoughts within the journal, some coward on the internet decided to take a more vicious tactic. One can only assume it came from the Republican religious right -- for whom many of us are losing respect on a daily basis. That group claims to love and follow the Lord, but perhaps they should go back and read the Gospels of Jesus Christ. How many so-called "Christians" actually follow the teachings of the Son of God? How many of them are listening to Satan, believing it is God? How many of them choose to hurt others rather than respect and love their neighbors ... the ones they can see and the ones they can't?
The internet is a wonderful tool for the exchange of ideas. We all have opinions, and here we have the right to express them. To prompt hate and criminal activity (which includes destruction of other people's property, including websites) is not the desire of most people who spend many hours at a computer and enjoy the still novel concept of having their thoughts and ideas spread around the world.
Some people don't want us to have individual concepts and will do anything they can to stop people who threaten their way of thinking. If they win, freedom loses. But a fact of life is, malicious people are out there and they will continue to hate, discriminate and violate the principles of the Bible. Some of them may even be among the congregation at your church service this weekend.
I may disagree with your way of thinking, but I won't hurt you or your creations. Please provide me with the same courtesy, and that will be a step toward making the world at large and the world of the Internet a better place.

THE WAR IN IRAQ ... Part 1 of many to come

The Associated Press, in a story about an interview with a German publication:
Colin Powell, who retired as secretary of state in January, also said he still is "furious and angry" about his Feb. 5, 2003, speech to the U.N. Security Council in which he said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction that violated U.N. sanctions.
No such weapons were found, but Powell told Stern he had no reason to doubt intelligence from the CIA and other agencies suggesting Saddam had them.

"I have to live with that."
-Colin Powell, on presenting false WMD evidence to the United Nations

Powell said he spent four days and three nights at the CIA before making the presentation, Stern reported.
''Some of this information was wrong. I didn't know that at the time,'' Powell was quoted as saying. ''I have to live with that.''
But he defended the U.S.-led invasion in 2003 that toppled Saddam and paved the way for elections in Iraq - despite the continuing anti-U.S. insurgency.
''Yes, the insurgency is much bigger than we assumed. But I'm happy that Saddam is in jail. And I'm darn glad that we will never again have to talk about weapons of mass destruction in connection with Iraq,'' Powell said.
''Anyone who says that has no idea. We are friends,'' he said.

MY REACTION: Powell's closing comment about being "darn glad that we will never again have to talk about weapons of mass destruction in connection with Iraq" bothers me, because we never had to talk about them to begin with.
However, the administration DID talk about them to the American public and the president and his underlings are on videotape of interviews in the pre-war days insisting that WMD were in Iraq and that Hussein planned to use them. Even after they were warned the intelligence could be flawed, the administration perpetuated this myth to convince ... or brainwash ... the American public of the need to go to war.
How many of our fine young men and women have died or will have to live with wartime injuries for the rest of their lives because of lies?
Perhaps the world is a better place without Hussein in control, but are we safer? No. Is Iraq a "democracy"? No, it has a long way to go. Are there more terrorists in Iraq than before the war? Yes. Should we sweep the fact that we were lied to in order to put more than 100,000 of our brave troops in harm's way be swept under the carpet and forgotten? I think not.
But we're there, and the job needs to be completed -- at most or even least to bring a semblance of peace. My hat is off to all members of our armed forces who did the jobs to which they were assigned. I pray that all of those remaining on foreign soil will return soon and safely to their homes and families.
I also pray that Americans -- and particularly our journalists -- will not be afraid to ask hard, probing questions in search of truth if such a conflict arises again.

Beginnings

This will be my first of what I plan to be many entries to share my life experiences, opinions and insights on my world and the world around me. There's much I want to say, and much that I want to hear from you.
You will find a basic philosophy throughout: Tell someone you love him or her today. They'll feel good, and you will, too.